Everything's Better With Strippers!

Well I finally got back into writing my horrible attempt at a novel, and this session resulted in two major changes in the story:

1) My private investigator is literally going insane.

2) I've introduced a stripper informant.

I know the ideas aren't exactly new, but I'm only doing this for fun so I don't care. The insanity is fun because now if I write myself into a corner, I can just use a heaping case of the crazies to let myself out.

Also, since I haven't read good mystery books in a while, I've decided to implement some Raymond Chandler reading in the bathroom, hopefully some of his talent for metaphor will rub off on me faster than a Cheetah on coke.

That's Not Robin Hood, Where's The Tights?

Where the hell was I when Russell Crowe became such a major draw? Gladiator was a decent flick, but I can think of tons of actors that deserve more recognition. Guy Pearce is one, Clive Owen used to be one before he lost the ability to say no to terrible scripts, and Ed Harris is one. Sure, he gets paid some dues once in a while, but not nearly enough.

Many of my friends are outright shocked that I'm not excited about the new Robin Hood movie. Why should I be? Where are all these masses screaming for Robin Hood to get the Batman Begins treatment, (Gritty+Realism=Good). What aspect of Robin Hood lore can really benefit from the limitations of reality and physics?

I've probably touched on this in other posts, but this Hollywood trend to play everything straight is not the answer for every single reboot, especially for such an over-the-top character like Robin Hood. What's next, a remake of Rocky Horror played straight as a sci-fi epic?

So why am I not pumped for Robin Hood? To me this doesn't look like Robin Hood, it looks like "British Archer: The Movie". Also, Russell Crowe has never managed to impress me. I know he's got Oscars and stuff, but I've given him enough chances. Fuck Russell Crowe.

Sunday Bloody Sunday, Now With More Zombies!

I'm a simple man. I like my cheese melted, my drinks strong, and my games simplistic. Safe to say, it took me almost no time at all to fall in love with Infectonator: World Dominator.

The game has a classic look about it (good NES/bad SNES), and operates on a simple "click the screen, win eventually" framework. As long as you keep playing you can't really lose, just win less quickly. Each attempt at a level still earns you some money to buy upgrades, and once everything is maxed out it is impossible to actually lose. Upgrades for what? Oh, just to make your army of bloodthirsty zombies even more merciless.

Once a city is selected, you select a "ground-zero" for the virus, and watch the feathers fly in a delightfully bloody manner. Eventually you can even unlock special zombies like Colonel Sanders, or even Michael Jackson (he makes all the zombies dance). When the goal of the game is to destroy everyone and everything, there's no better feeling than a screen full of 16-bit blood-splatter.

Oh Tyson, Is There Anything You Won't Do

If it wasn't already obvious that Mike Tyson lost his mind, the man is currently drawing heat from PETA about his new reality show. As it turns out, Mike has raised pigeons all of his life (what?), and the show will follow him on his journey through the world of pigeon racing (what?).

Alright, so Mike's raised pigeons all his life. I guess that makes sense, I mean how else do the tigers stay fed? What I want to know, is what nutcase gave this show idea the go-ahead?

A reality show about the world of pigeon racing? Are they not even trying anymore? The sad part is that a quality program probably got the boot to make room for this nonsense, just because a big name is attached.

In addition to PETA's outrage about Mike Tyson being responsible for the well being of a flying rat, it seems they're also concerned that the animals will be exploited for the purposes of gambling. Look PETA, the kind of people who will bet on Mike Tyson's pigeon races are not the type of people you should be worrying about. I'd be more concerned about all those Avatar nerds that are strangely attracted to giant cats.

Some Format Changes (Like Anyone Cares)

As much as I hate organization and structure, I've decided IGTM needs to operate under a routine. Instead of nonsensical posts whenever I feel like, sometime next week I'll integrate the following format for daily posts (open to suggestions for better names or topics) :

Sunday - Things of Awesome
Monday - Rants
Tuesday - Novel Novelizations
Wednesday - Pop Cultatron
Thursday - Thursday Twittles
Friday - Link Out Friday
Saturday -Animal News Day (Yeah, let's see how long this one will last)

Obviously this isn't set in stone, and I'm thinking of implementing some design changes too, but overall I think this will work for the best. That or cause to go down in flames faster than Air Force One in a disaster movie. Ugh, if that pun is any indication probably the latter.

The Internet, (Why So) Serious Business

I will admit that being on the Internet as much as I am, I feel a little bit detached from "regular folk". Everything on the Internet goes so lightning quick, and I feel I've burned through so much before the average person even finds out about it. I still have friends that are only now finding out the glory of Japanese commercials.

The other day I was casually talking to someone and they asked me what this "digg-thingy" was. Seriously? I can barely fathom a world where people don't at least know what Digg is. The same goes for pedobear and rickrolling. I take these things for granted as assumed knowledge, but the average person has no idea about this sort of stuff. Sometimes it feels almost like I've traveled through time, I mean one of my friends tried telling me a Chuck Norris joke the other day. I half expected him to bust out some POGs next.

There are times that I've tried to give "regular" people some insight on what the Internet really has to offer, but it always falls apart. Heck, if these rubes can't grasp the concept of Twitter, how am I supposed to explain what the hell a demotivational is.

I suppose the scariest part is that I don't even consider myself an Internet guru. Hell, I only found out about that meekakitty chick a couple months ago. There is just so much out there to discover, and it's hard to really grasp how big it all really is.

If there are people who use the Internet on a regular basis and have no idea what the heck podcasts are, I can't even fathom how much there is that I myself haven't found yet. When you sit back and think, it's actually quite intimidating. Thank god it's pretty much just filled with porn and wholly inaccurate movie rumors.

Tainted Siblings of the Famous

We've seen them around. Actually, we probably haven't since we barely know what they look like, but we've heard their names... on occasion. I'm talking about the brothers and sisters of the famous, the sort of people we know about but don't consider true celebrities because most people feel they typically don't "deserve" the fame. Well to most people, on the behalf of people living in shadows everywhere I say screw that! In most cases, these one-note cast-asides are talented in their own right, or at least have a human quality about them that is sometimes lacking their counterparts. Frank Stallone smiles, when was the last time Sly stopped killing long enough to smile?

People either remember Casey Affleck as that guy who shows up once in a while and talks in kind of a funny voice, or as Ben's brother. The dude has been in some decent flicks, and by now should be getting a lot more recognition for his performances. Charlie Murphy is still funny now, and Eddie hasn't made me laugh since Bowfinger. People like to forget about the non-Alec Baldwins, but Stephen has cracked me up and the fat one in John Carpenter's Vampires still gets the job done.

Where is the love for these people? Half of the time they're forced to deal with the paparazzi nonsense their siblings are used to, at one hell of a reduced paycheck, and they get none of the glory. Sure, the Estevez/Sheen household has three separate spotlights, but these types of families are more exception than rule.

There is a third Manning brother that isn't an NFL quarterback. How much must it such to be that guy? No one even knows his name, he's just the non-football one. Well, I'm going to dedicate the next paragraph of this blog post to give him a little bit of attention for once.

Cooper Manning is the oldest brother and the only one without his own separate Wikipedia page. A Google search led me to an article about him, but I couldn't be bothered to read the whole thing so I just skimmed it. I think he's a stock guy or something, and might be involved with some type of energy company. I think it also mentioned that he was known for his sense of humor around the office, but is respected as a quality worker.

You know what, fuck Cooper Manning. Fuck Eric Roberts too, something about that guy really rubs me the wrong way. Plus, Batman doesn't trust him and he's generally good about this sort of thing.