I don't know a lot about Catherine the Great. To be perfectly honest, the only way I found out her actual name was by typing in "chick who had sex with a horse" on Google. This produced some unsavory results, so I changed the search to "historical chick who had sex with a horse" and all my questions were answered. Let us learn together.
Catherine II, also known as Catherine the Great, born 2 May 1729 as Sophie Friederike Auguste von Anhalt-Zerbst-Dornburg in Stettin, Pomerania, reigned as Empress of Russia from 9 July 1762 until her death (17 November 1796). Under her direct auspices the Russian Empire expanded, improved its administration, and continued to modernize along Western European lines. Catherine's rule re-vitalized Russia, which grew ever stronger and became recognized as one of the great powers of Europe. Her successes in complex foreign policy and her sometimes brutal reprisals in the wake of rebellion (most notably Pugachev's Rebellion) complemented her hectic private life.
Noticing a distinct lack of anything horse related, I read on, albeit disappointed and skipping a lot of boring stuff.
The reign of Peter III and the coup d'état of July 1762
In July 1762, barely six months after becoming the Tsar, Peter committed the political error of retiring with his Holstein-born courtiers and relatives to Oranienbaum, leaving his wife in Saint Petersburg. On 13 July and 14 July the Leib Guard revolted, deposed Peter, and proclaimed Catherine the ruler of Russia. The bloodless coup succeeded;
Bloodless coup? Common guys take the kid gloves off! No wonder there haven't been any movies about this broad featuring Gerard Butler.
Ekaterina Dashkova, a confidante of Catherine who became President of the Russian Academy in 1783, the year of its foundation, seems to have stated that Peter seemed rather glad to have rid himself of the throne, and requested only a quiet estate and his mistress.
"Comrade, I would like my severance of quiet farmland and one bed-buddy." Now, to skip more blah blah blah and get to the juicy stuff...
Personal Life
Catherine, throughout her long reign, took many lovers, often elevating them to high positions for as long as they held her interest, and then pensioning them off with large estates and gifts of serfs.
Fuck I hope serfs are old-school talk for whores/wenches.
After her affair with her lover and capable adviser Grigori Alexandrovich Potemkin ended in 1776, he would allegedly select a candidate-lover for her who had both the physical beauty as well as the mental faculties to hold Catherine's interest (such as Alexander Dmitriev-Mamonov). Some of these men loved her in return, and she always showed generosity towards her lovers, even after the end of an affair. One of her lovers, Zavadovsky, received 50,000 rubles, a pension of 5,000 rubles, and 4,000 peasants in the Ukraine after she dismissed him in 1777. The last of her lovers, Prince Zubov, was 40 years her junior.
Holy shit, that is one quality retirement plan. 40 years? I love when history gets outright slutty.
Orlov
Grigory Orlov, the grandson of a rebel in the Streltsy Uprising (1698) against Peter the Great, distinguished himself in the Battle of Zorndorf (25 August 1758), receiving three wounds. He represented an opposite to Peter's pro-Prussian sentiment, with which Catherine disagreed. By 1759, he and Catherine had become lovers although no one in the know told Catherine's husband, the Grand Duke Peter. Catherine saw Orlov as very useful, and he became instrumental in the July 1761 coup d’état against her husband, but she preferred to remain the Dowager Empress of Russia, rather than marrying anyone.
Grigory Orlov and his other three brothers found themselves rewarded with titles as Counts, money, swords and other gifts. But Catherine did not marry Grigory, who proved inept at politics and useless when asked for advice. He received a palace in St. Petersburg when Catherine became Empress.
"If you don't tell my husband, I'll reward you with fancy political jobs, swords, and shit. Seriously though, you're kind of a dumbass so just pass along all questions and don't do anything."
Potemkin
Grigory Potemkin had involvement in the coup d'état of 1762. In 1772, Catherine's close friends informed her of Orlov's affairs with other women, and she dismissed him. By the winter of 1773 the Pugachev revolt had started to grow threatening. Catherine's son Paul had also started gaining support; both of these trends threatened her power. She called Potemkin for help – mostly military – and he became devoted to her.
I love that even Wikipedia takes a jab at her blatant whorishness. "Mostly military", they may as well have written "both in the bedroom, and out".
Death
Catherine suffered a stroke on 16 November 1796 and died in her bed at 9:20 the following evening without having regained consciousness. Despite an urban myth connecting her death with a sexual incident involving a horse, there is no basis to this story. Catherine was buried at the Peter and Paul Cathedral in Saint Petersburg.
DAMNIT, when I am promised a story about death-by-horsefucking, I want it. Oh well, I learned everything I wanted to know I guess.
Overall I'd say Catherine the Great's life was pretty titillating, but certainly not as involved in dangerous bestiality as I wished it would be. 3/4 because of the mentions of surfing whores.
If you have any suggestions for other interesting or weird Wikipedia articles to write posts on, please e-mail them to igottenminutes@gmail.com
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